Kimimaru's Creepy Crusade
by ThePinkBunniesLeaders
Summary: Kimimaru goes on a journey through the Sound hideout. He sees many strange things. WARNING: hints of Slash and much craziness.Oneshot, maybe multiple chapters.


**Heyo, we're Panda and Shadow and we make up ThePinkBunniesLeaders. _Panda goes blind from staring at the big flashing lights_ We're new to and this is our first fan fiction, so please be kind. _Panda falls to floor crying as Shadow stares. _ **

**Panda: Man-pretty**

**Shadow: What the hell is man-pretty?**

**Panda: It's what a bishie is. Man-pretty.**

**Nate: Is Raistlin man-pretty?_ Starts drooling at the mouth at the thought of Raistlin_**

**Panda: Man-pretty! _Runs off to find a man-pretty_**

**S's Head Demon: I think we need to call them.**

**Shadow: Yeah, I think so too. Hey, Panda, look a man-pretty! _Points in a random direction_**

**Panda: Man-pretty!!**

_**Men in white shirts proceed to come in and take Panda away. **_

**Men in White: Don't worry, you'll like your new room and this drug will make you fell happy.**

**Panda: Man-pretty!!**

**Shadow: _stares as they cart of the incapacitated Panda _Anyways, we no own Naruto, but if I did, slash would be what the whole show was about! So on with the story!**

_**Far off in the distance, you can hear cries of Man-Pretty. **_

Kimimaro's Creepy Crusade 

Kimimaro was bored.

No one seemed to be around. It was quiet, too quiet. (A/N I don't like it, we should leave. It might be a mutated groundhog that will eat our pancreases.) He knew they were planning something. Yes, _they_, the ones who steal people's toes to make a statue of their god, King mousse cup. There were clues scattered everywhere and he needed to find them. Like that torch. Yeah, the torch, the one on the wall that is watching his every move. It's a spy torch, he knows it is. It knew where everyone was. He glared at it, willing it to reveal all its secrets, down to what color of socks it wears. It made a hissing sound at him. It was taunting him! How dare it taunt him! He was Kimimaro, all powerful squirrel master. He will show it not to disrespect him. First, he needs some water. That's it! He will go on a crusade to find the all-powerful water. Now, off on the quest to find the water. The ice cold wet water.

"Now where can I find some water," he wondered as he started is journey down the hallway.

Noticing a door to his right, he wondered if it has the all-important water behind it's closed off space, hiding its secrets well. Deciding that the room was a good enough place to start, he stopped in front of it. Not knowing whose room it was, Kimimaro slowly reached his hand towards the knob. Pausing in his reach, he heard a noise.

I think I hear music. Yeah, it's music. I think its Barbie Girl. Oh my God, it's the evil monster! It will fly through the door and leap upon me and steal my cookies! THEY'RE MY COOKIES!!! NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE THEM!!

He slowly opened the door while the music got louder. Peaking around the door, he saw something that would change his life, and not in the good way. There in the room in a pink school girl skirt, knee high socks, and a sheer belly shirt was Kabuto… dancing… stripping… weirdly. Staring at the horror known as the cole slaw monster, Kimimaro opened his mouth, but all that came out was a loud, wordless scream.

"Oh my God! It's a monster! My eyes, they're melting, melting! It burns! STOP IT, STOP IT!!"

"Kimimaro! Get out of my room! I'm working on Plan B to get Orochimaru to notice me. I know this will work! He will forget all about chicken butt-head Sasuke and come to me for comfort and lovin'! Mwhahahahahahahahahaha!!!"

Rolling on the floor in ecstasy of the thought of Orochimaru, Kabuto didn't notice Kimimaro running away in horror.

After just narrowly escaping the evil stripper Kabuto, Kimimaro, the all-powerful squirrel master resumed his journey to find the all-powerful water. Turning into the next hallway, he noticed the shower being turned off. Kimimaro watched as Dosu came out of the bathroom with just a towel and his fluffy on. Knowing that if you washed the fluffy with soap and water, it would smell like wet animal, Kimimaro wondered why he took it into the bathroom with him. (A/N Hmmmm, yeah, I wonder)

Trying to be polite, Kimimaro asked, "Did you have a nice shower?" The fluffy looks nasty and soggy, like wet mongoose.

"I couldn't clean the hair good enough."

"Wha-what do you mean 'couldn't clean the hair good enough'?" Did he just say hair? I thought it was some kind of animal fur. OMG, what if it's the hair of all the enemies he's killed!

"Yeah, this back hair is just so had to reach."

"Back hair?" Twitch

"Yeah, back hair. Hey! I know! Do you want to help me clean it? There seems to be a questionable substance in there that won't come out."

"Uh, no thank you. I'm sure Kabuto or Sasuke would like to help though." Must…get…away…from…hair.

Running away from the back hair as quickly as he can (A/N He was too traumatized by the back hair to remember the water), he didn't notice the lump of flesh in the middle of the hallway. Stepping on it, it proceeded to make a squishy squelchy noise. Glancing down to see what made the noise, he saw Sasuke. Seeing he was still (A/N unfortunately) alive, Kimimaro leaned down to check for any wounds. Realizing Sasuke was muttering something; he put his ear right next to Sasuke's mouth.

"The mousse cup, the molesting mousse cup. Keep it away! Don't let it touch me! Auuuuggghhh!"

Deciding that Sasuke wasn't worth his attention with his emoness (A/N nothing against emos), Kimimaro goes on down the hallway, leaving Sasuke to his traumitization. Turning onto the next hallway, he noticed Jiraiya standing in the middle of it.

Why was Jiraiya in the sound hid out? Wasn't he the enemy? Maybe Orochimaru kidnapped him to fulfill those fantasies he mutters about in his sleep.

Jiraiya was poking at something white with prickly points all over it's back. Circling the strange creature, Jiraiya was too preoccupied to notice that it was getting into a crouching position. Kimimaro, not knowing what the animal was or what it was capable of doing, decided to stay at the end of the hall and out of the way. Jiraiya, hearing Kimimaro move, turned to look at him, leaving his back wide open for an attack. Seeing its chance, the animal leaped through the air, landed on Jiraiya's back, and proceeded to steal all the cookies he was hiding, even the ones in his pants. Kimimaro knew that this was the monster that was in Kabuto's room, the one that was waiting for him to open the door so it could steal his cookies. In a valiant attempt to save his cookies, Kimimaro ran wildly in the opposite direction, leaving Jiraiya to the evil monster's clutches.

Sprinting away, Kimimaro ran unseeing until he was out of breath. Noticing the room he stopped by seemed strangely familiar, he moved towards it in hope of finding some damn water. On the other side of the door was a vision almost as disturbing as the Kabuto incident. It was Orochimaru humming the song "Miracle", shaking his butt, while wearing a pink, frilly apron with hearts and pandas on it. Upon his hands were hot pink oven mitts and he was taking a soufflé out of the oven.

"What the hell are you doing Orochimaru-sama!!!"

The soufflé collapsed.

Orochimaru turned around with a look of extreme rage on his face towards the cowering Kimimaro. Staring at the form that was curled up in a fetal position on the floor, he burst out bawling.

"How could you Kimi-kun? You destroyed my tomato flavored soufflé I made so I could molest Sasuke with it," screamed Orochimaru while he fell the floor whimpering in misery.

"First, I've already seen Sasuke and he's traumatized enough. Second, how the hell can you molest someone with a soufflé? (A/N We know, we know!)

At that exact moment, Kabuto bursts through the door, still in the outfit from earlier. Pointing at the immobile Orochimaru, who was still on the floor, and starts screaming his anger and jealousy out.

"How dare you do that!!?? Why don't you pay any attention to me! Make me a soufflé to molest me! Molest me! Molest me!"

As Kabuto paused for a breath, he realized that this wasn't working. If he wanted Orochimaru to notice him, he needed to take the initiative. (A/N As Kabuto was forming this sinister plan; Kimi and Oro were still too shocked to move.) Kabuto, putting his plan into action, jumped onto Orochimaru and started to touch him in inappropriate places.

"Now will you look at me Orochimaru-sama? Do you notice me now? Do you notice me!?"

"Help, Sasuke! Help! Someone get him off me! It hurts! You're pressing too hard Kabuto!!" (A/N Makes you wonder, don't it? XD)

But no one came to help because Jiraiya was too busy being molested by the porcupine creature thing, Sasuke was still having visions of the molesting mousse cup, Dosu was still trying to get the unknown substance out of his back hair, and Kimimaro was trying really hard not to notice the scene that was going on on the kitchen floor. As silently as possible, he got a glass of water from the sink. Running through out the hide out, he passed Jiraiya with the knowing on his leg as he leaned against the wall mourning his lost cookies, Sasuke, still in the middle of the floor, and Dosu who had finally got the gunk out of his back hair. Finally arriving at the hall he originally was in, Kimimaro stared at the wall. And he stared. And he stared. There was nothing there. The torch spy had gotten away from him. Dropping the glass of water, the glass shattered on the floor.

"Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!"

And in the echo of Kimimaro's screams or rage, were the drastically changed noises coming from the kitchen. (A/N You get to decide how the noises changed)

Fin

Author Note: We hoped you liked it. Please click the pretty blue button! I know you want to, do it! I, Panda-chan, warrior queen and defender of trailer parks command that you click it!!

please

Man-Pretty!

Ja ne


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